Hi Carlotta!
Thanks for that. I saw that post just before and found it mega helpful. Also downloaded an e book I found on Twitter which is along a similar way. Reading it felt like a lightbulb, so if anyone wants to know of it, I'd be happy to email them the details (as I'm new don't know rules about recommending books and that!)
I'll check out secular connections too.
What I'm unsure about is how I'm reacting to alcohol right now. I'm still drinking, even though a sip is making me feel rubbish. I shouldn't be finishing this glass, but it's like there's something in me saying I have to do it to prove I can drink. Which just seems so messed up. Physically I can barely bring myself to drink. Mentally all I want to do is down the bottle. That is not right. And I need to fight it.
Thanks so much for your support. I really need it right now. I hope one day I can maybe crack this.