You have been to meetings so promising anything is really not possible except for today. You will remain sober today. That is it. As for all other feelings, it is tough. I wanted some magic wand as well but as the sober days started to add up I realized that my experiences while drinking helped me. They did. I learned to overcome so many things and honestly believe I am a stronger/better person having those experiences. The list is way to long but I think you can turn all those fears and anxieties into strength and hope. Good luck.