Happy birthday Mel, and well done Venus, upandup and Arcticon four months! That is great going, hope you get well soon venus.
Thanks once again for the encouragement over the last few days you've all helped drag me out of the hole of despair I was in, im feeling bit better today.
Went for a long, long walk on a path by the sea, ( I live on the coast of Wales), it was a beautiful day to do it and I passed lots of happy people on holiday enjoying the sun. It was a walk imposed on me by my drunk binge ( spent all my money so couldnt afford a bus even!), had to see my job adviser, but it worked out ok about 11 miles in all and although tired im glad I made the effort, because despite my worries it went well and it left me feeling more positive about my prospects! If I was still on it there would be no way I would have gotten out of bed let alone walk that far!
It just shows to me once again that alcohol only magnifies problems in my mind and never solves them, it truly is cunning in my view that it strips away our self worth to the point that we think there is no hope, but there is always hope, this brilliant class of people shows me that every day, as do other threads on this site.
Tried looking for my bag of stuff I had lost last evening and had to do the walk of shame into places I thought I might have been- mostly bars and takeaways and, despite there being no sign and me feeling extremely self conscious, there was something liberating about going in enquiring and then walking out of each SOBER!
Im seeing this as a line drawn under everything, the games up for my drinking, its all just a lie for me, it solves and achieves nothing and its time I started living for real again. It wont be easy and I don't want to tempt fate by posting this but I just feel better and more positive today- hope it lasts!
Ive got the same walk to make tomorrow, Thursday and Friday for a course I missed a few weeks back (yet again because of a binge on alcohol, which at the time was telling my head its just a waste of time anyway, don't bother!) so im going to try and stay focused and see the long walks and miles ahead as a start of a journey to a new life, with every step getting further from my drunk old life! so hope im still positive and still able to walk by the end of the week!