I was holding my breathe hoping someone would reply to me because I feel wretched and guilty. Thank you for being an angel!
You_Rock_
And thank you for reminding me I do have a new family now that loves me and friends who support me.
Yeah, I know my fam of origin doesn't get it because they've been confronted by psychologists, a judge in a domestic violence case, etc. and in each case they see the abuse as being fine and normal (all families have problems) and anyone who confronts them about it or about drinking is sick and wrong and a horrible person.
My Mom is gone now and at the end she finally got it and apologized to me for all the abuse that was done to me as a kid. That was a wonderful thing and gave me peace in my heart with her.
But the rest of my family..ugh..pastor sister cites biblical references to try to make me forgive and forget and meekly accept new abuse. Boy was she angry when she found she could no longer control me the way she did when I was a child and she was nine years older. She tells me I need psychiatric care because I still remember my older brother raping me, etc. the funny thing is my shrink tells me it's healthy to remember it and feel anger and sadness, and my sister is the one who is following unhealthy patterns.
My brother is just lost, he's a homeless alcoholic.
My father thinks that what he did was normal and anyone calling the police or calling him on past behavior is a terrible, evil person.
And his wife....I really don't even want any contact with her whatsoever. My hubby doesn't like her either and he has great judgment about people.
Ugh. Thanks for letting me ramble.