Your family sounds like they are very sick. But it also sounds like they don't realize how sick they are.
I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home as well. Both my parents are deceased now. And although I miss them, I am grateful I no longer have to continue with the heartache and disappointments.
I never had the opportunity to question how the hell they felt their treatment of me was acceptable, but I don't care. I'm sure they have no idea anyway. And I also know that I would've never gotten the answers I wanted and some big apology. When people are so sick and in denial, they aren't able to take accountability for their actions.
I'm able to choose my family today. Just because I have the same blood as some other people on this planet doesn't mean they are healthy enough to be in my life.