Welcome to SR Gotta! I think it'll really help you to be here with us. The support & encouragement is amazing.
I once binge drank like you - and I didn't seek help or try to stop (like you are). Down the road, my binge drinking led to complete dependency. In the end I was drinking 24/7 & terrified to stop. You are wise to be looking at what alcohol is doing to your life. How I wish I had at 30! Things would have been so different.
I hope you'll keep reading and posting - we are here to help you. Glad you decided to reach out.