Dear Boon, Summerpeach wrote you a post just prior to this one which i think is very apprapo for you to consider, just now. I think it would be a good idea to post it on your fridge and read it every day.
It will help you to get through this grieving process and emerge out the other side.
Also, it is about time to check out some alanon meetings, I think.
supportively, dandylion