Thanks all. So here is a bit more information- it stings a bit less since today I found out that NOBODY got invited to graduation. Not aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, great parents- basically folks that were instrumental in the kids lives. So I don't feel like I was singly excluded.
I will make an excuse for mom- she is in rehab. I don't think she had anything to do with the planning. I'm not even sure if she was able get out and go for today. Her release date isn't until Monday. I DO blame biological dad, and stepmom Cruella DeVille, who stepdaughter is now living with full time. They have tried to isolate the kids from everyone for years, and this is a prime example of how they are.
Regarding the gift, I have the same opinion about announcements. They scream "we don't want to provide a party, a keg and a cake, but please send money." BUT.... I did already gave her her gift a few months ago- I bought her a plane ticket to see her best friend that moved away. So the fact that I got the card felt good, but made me feel really so sad as well. It was such a flush of intense mixed emotions.
Honestly, not knowing if mom would be there, NC in effect, a stepmom that I despise, and a biological dad that I have no respect for, I am unsure if I would have gone anyway. I truly feel like an outsider. It is her celebration day, and I would rather stay away to not add any discomfort for her.
The most painful part is realizing this is a major event in her life (one of many more to come) that I am no longer a part of. And I blame EXAGs alcoholism, as well as my contributions to the failure of the relationship. It's just so sad.