Dear petmagnet, I don't think that there is any way in a marriage to an active alcoholicthat one can expect the same benefits as a healthy non-alcoholic family. Certainly detachment can reduce conflict and protect you from the chaos to a certain extent. Usually one has to lower their expectations--sometimes very drastically in order to live with the alcoholic.
Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide how you want to live.
Personally, I would rather live in a refrigerator box--but, that is just me...
dandylion