Crazed

So all week I have been struggling with my feelings regarding two thing I heard on Tuesday
1) EXAG is getting out of rehab and returning to her apartment on Monday
2) I didn't get an invite to my pseudo step-daughter's high school graduation ceremony (which is going on right now)

Regarding #1, my compulsion kicked in, I failed to resist temptation, and called EXAG and left her a message at rehab. She didn't call back, so I had created a new hurt. I have since let it go, and am now doing OK with it.

Regarding #2, it really hurt my feelings. I understand and accept WHY I wasn't invited, but damn, I helped raise these kids for 10 years. This I also let go to the best of my ability.

Then today I got a letter from step-daughter. Inside was a graduation announcement - basically a professional picture of the stepdaughter in a nice dress with her cap on.

I couldn't believe how overcome I was with raw emotion. I sobbed for about 30 minutes, feeling slapped in the face with what I've lost to alcoholism, and my own sick codependent and controlling ways.

Thanks SR for hearing me.