Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read my post and those who responded.
I am reading and re-reading everything that was written. Writing my thoughts out also helped me a great deal.
It saddens me that so many of us have been affected by this type of loss and/or depression. Knowing that I'm not alone helps though.
I saw my therapist this week and plan to have regular sessions with her until I no longer feel in crisis. I am also going to attend a support group for suicide survivors this weekend.
When you come from a dysfunctional home, so many life events and tragedies seem to be made that much harder because you don't have the support system that other families have. If anything, a crisis seems to make the members of my family of origin (which is now only three) turn on each other.
I'm finding the shame that I used feel about my family coming back. I worried that people from "normal" families wouldn't understand the need to distance yourself from family members. I'm worried about being judged. Will need to work through some of my old issues again.
I appreciate the positive thoughts and prayers.
Thank you again,
db