Yes, Wishful, I concur with the above advice just given. I also understand your confusion and very important questions.
So much of what we were taught, growing up about what works in relationships--applies well in healthy relationships--BUT, can backfire in a relationship with an addict or alcoholic!!
This IS confusing--that is why reading all of the "stickys" at the top of the page and the Melody Beattie books can really help you.
We co-dependents are often enabling the alcoholic--completely unaware---because it looks to us like old-fashioned Christian kindness. I struggled with the same thing, at one time!
Not to get into religious discussion (we are not supposed to do that), but I don't know of any religion that requires that we live with destructive or abusive behavior.
Your questions and concerns are very logical and understandable; You will learn a lot (LOL)
dandylion