I'm in the process of ending a 37 year marriage to AH. It's not easy and it does get a little crazier for awhile. I love him dearly but I can't live like this anymore . Every baby step you take brings a little more peace. With my first feelings of peace came the ability to make some very important decisions. The more I move forward, the better I feel. I'm not saying it easy but it's possible to end long term crazy relationships.
There's a lot of wisdom on this site. I find , the less contact I have, the better I'm able to function. Getting off the crazy train is great advice. There's great support here...we're walking with you in spirit.