Thank you all for the encouraging words
"Whats been holding you back for making changes do you think?"
This is a good question. Ever since I quit, I've been trying to find some purpose. Just anything that truly made me happy or that I was passionate about. I've built such a huge wall around myself that nothing gets in or out. And because of that I just live, and nothing else. That one beer brought me out, if only for an hour. I was happy I was enjoying life like a 'normal' person.
It's stupid, but I have a hard time accepting this is who I am. Or at least, who I need to be to have a better life. So I fight it.
I've heard the term "dry drunk" over the years, and I think I'm starting to understand that this is what I am. I just need a way to overcome it.