Originally Posted by
tjhook 
Yes this sounds familiar....add in drugs and that is exactly where I was at, that is until they took my home.
You can change and you don't need to hit rock bottom first, are you physically dependent on alcohol at this point?
Sorry about your home.
Yeah.. I don't have hallucinations but I am dependent on it.. I drink every single night or night and day and use it to cope.. relieve my anxiety and I crave it.. Its been almost 4 years of drinking daily/nightly the moment I took that one martini again at that bar/lounge with "friends" after getting myself together again, leaving stripping, leaving the partying, going back to school, being physically fit and healthy, sober, and even maintain a job in retail. When your doing well and look good they always come back and I always attract the wrong people.. end up in the bars and its all downhill from there. I'm 24 now.. I've been drinking for years and battling for years. I don't want this path anymore.
I was instantly hooked again and just couldn't stop drinking. It has been a wild ride.
I'd say I'm pretty dependent. Within 2-6 hours upon awakening I'm boozing depending how severe my hangover is. My tolerance is pretty good now I can handle almost half a 1.14L a day and not have severe hangovers. Thats way too much booze to be consuming I'm at the liquor store every second day its humiliating. I'm sick of the liquor store. I get the money to afford all this through doing escort services. I've dabbled in various drugs (mostly cocaine and ecstasy) in the past but wasn't a fan of them.. just increased my anxiety so never got into them.
I pulled my mirror off my wall a few days ago and ended up passing out in the bed with it.. this is starting to scare me.. I was arrested a few years ago and put on probation for my drinking but that wasn't enough. No no I don't have a problem. Ugh. So many bad memories.. big fights with cab drivers, people, the puking, puking on myself, the bed wetting, wetting myself in public, puking in public.. It does on and on.
I've realized I have made a fool out of myself too much this month. I've had it.. really had it. I never needed it.
How did it escalate to this point?