I'm sorry you having to go through this. I went through something similar with ex who was not an A. But a habitual cheater who held money over my head to control me. He couldn't stay faithful but didn't want me to go on with anyone else. After 6 years of including him in in recitals, holidays and special occasions, I realized I was giving him his perfect life. He didn't have to commit but still got his happy family and photo ops with us. I coordinated everything. Well honey, I finally stopped. If he wanted to be involved, I let the kids invite and he was responsible for his tickets, seating and taking his own photos! And I finally broke that string between us! Very liberating. And he's learned what a mistake he made, however, I had already moved on and did not care!