How Do You Sit Next to Your STBXAH?
Good morning, folks!
Yep, STBXAH is coming back to town for a three day weekend. He will be flying in Friday. For our daughters' dance performance.
This is the same guy who isn't following the court-ordered pension regs. Not only can't I pay the rent, I haven't been able to pay the January dance lesson bill. I made two small payments this spring, but I still owe three quarters of the third trimester payment. I explained to the school director the situation with AH because it effects my daughter, who is 13 and dances in their pre-professional track four days a week. The director thankfully totally gets it because her stepfather was an abusive alcoholic. Nasty A's have impacted a lot of lives. She says it helps her to know because they have noticed that my daughter has changed this year. She's more serious, laughs less.
Anyway, I've been as no contact as possible, working with the lawyers to deal with the financial crisis and trying to focus on moving forward - finding work, getting my life sorted out, having fun with the children.
But I have to deal with this man from time to time. So I've ordered tickets for AH, myself and the boys. I am going to sit there with him, watch our daughters dance, and be a civilized, dignified adult.
In the meantime, some part of me is so disgusted, so repulsed, so horrified by this abusive, narcissistic man that was my husband for 18 years and who is the father of my four children. I don't want to see, hear of, think of, waste emotion on, share the same continent with him. And here I'm going to be sitting with him watching girls twirl about on the stage in pink cat costumes.
My dream is that the director invites him backstage and has him flogged by a hundred little girls in tutus for not paying the bill and then daring to show up at their show, then the curtain opens and the director welcomes audience discussion.
I wouldn't mind if they humiliated, raged at, and stoned him. I like to think that I would look on rather disinterestedly, yawn, chat with a friend, and get up before they are finished and move on to something else.
I know that from this thread I am still struggling with detachment. I don't want to waste thought and anger on this pathetic individual. I want to move on with my life. But I wouldn't mind if a little justice were served along the way.
I realize that the best thing for everyone involved is that I behave royally, enjoy the show, and don't waste another minute's thought on him. But one part of me is - AAARRRGGGHHH!