Thanks so much for your suggestions! I thought that I'm going nutty. I know this is a taught way to express emotions for some people myself included. I remember both of my parents throwing things and blowing up. (they still do only much more mellow in their late 70's) There were only 2 emotions in that household, happiness and anger. I seem to have taken that on as well. I think that's the norm for an alcoholic household. Somehow myself and both of my sisters married alcoholics and two of us are now active in recovery. I'm so very grateful for recovery and what it is doing for our next generations so that this disease may not be carried on and on.
I know if I can get a grip on this part of my recovery process that things will be much better for ME. I still just let it over-take me and wonder if I'm somehow subconciously causing a lot of pain for myself out of guilt or whatever. I don't blow up anymore unless I'm in total physical pain but I seem to keep being in total physical pain by one accident or another. I decided to at least talk to one doctor since I think in this situation I cannot afford not to. He told me that it is either a dislocation or a bone chip for sure and I need x-rays and an orthopedic surgeon. Wonderful more bills... He did say that there is a possibility that I can manipulate it myself to get it back into place. Sounds funny but I have done it with horses LOL Well if it saves me 2k I'm sure gonna try.
Sorry for my rambling but agian I'm so very grateful that I have somewhere I can
~Faithchaser