Excim - thanks for that, I'm betting a pound to a penny tha you go out your way to make other shy people feel welcome, I know he does! this changed our wedding too. At the time I thought it was just public speaking, but he told me he was terrified and that it was something he didn't think he could do. It meant a very small wedding (which suited me) but the run up was filled with annoyed people because we weren't doing anything big - 16 people including us!! We could add bits on to our vows (I did) but at first he just said he didn't want to - then the night before we got married he said he wasn't sure if he could even repeat the standard words, never mind say what he wanted! He gave me his vows in our room at the B&B, actually we married in there, on our own. When it came to the performance he was word perfect and I ended up in tears!!
Marty,
Thanks for replying what you're saying about opportunities makes sense. So does your story!! D won't consider AA at the moment - largely because it is a meeting, I think avoiding having to do that is a big incentive for him to make sure nothing get's out of hand again. I might wish he was getting help but I can't force it and his efforts alone are VERY real.
When you mentioned opportunities to talk a penny dropped - as quiet as he is he doen't try to get out of stuff, we went to his works do on Saturday. He's worked with them for 3 months and he did speak a little bit, very little but he did speak. They were ribbing him about not drinking, offering him drinks, asking him why, saying 'but it's Christmas' and he still stuck to his guns, saying 'no'. I'm 100% sure he knows he's got to practice being around people without it.
Whatever he's going through it isn't about excuses to drink, he'd have had the perfect excuse on Saturday, it was his bosses getting suspicious, his bosses trying to get him to drink and he knows me well enough to know I wouldn't have given him a hard time.
Hopefully he'll get some help at some point, he's got to see the docs soon about something else and with a bit of luck they might ask him the right questions!!
One thing that's crossed my mind is that if he was on medication for the anxiety - wouldn't it become just as addictive? (feel free to ignore that question if it's a bit too personal - it's just I've never actually spoken to someone who's dealt with both using medication).