Thank you Lily...I have some behaviors that have come up for me since starting to deal with the addiction in my teenagers. I am on the third...tyg that the oldest two are leading their own lives and functional.
I keep obsessively reaching out to a mother and siblings who just ignore the issue and mother calls me mentally deranged...have had a few meltdowns...nothing but silence. I have been doing this for so many years...finally realized that I am making progress in my (using this for the first time) codie work. Got to the shame and blame part and abandonment issues and guilt...deeper with this new child in addiction than ever before.
I just had a huge overwhelm and horrible hitting bottom attack when daughter relapsed in January and chose to stop contact in April.
What does all this have to do with your post? Your post allowed me to forgive myself just a bit for my actions. I have not typically blamed others...but my biological family's actions have made me realize that it can't be ALL my fault.
I am trying to go into what I read about here called no contact...as hubby and I are focused on starting our financial lives over...and to the extent we can love without enabling (we are a country away)...supporting daughter.
Your post made me realize that I am a normal person (within the context of being a codependent) and that I need to continue in my own recovery and work...and to take one step at a time as each steps become clearer.
Don't trust my own judgment anymore.