I feel for you, AnonK.
When I was involved with my XA, many times the thought crossed my mind, if I was in a car accident and was seriously injured or worse, would he even care?? Or upon learning of it, would he just say, "Well, that's a shame. EH was a cool girl and we had some really good times, but eh, that's life," and then promptly move onto the next 'lucky contestant' on the 'Wheel of Addiction?' Well, considering how he callously dumped me by text three months ago, as if we haven't known each other since we were kids, as if he wasn't (up until recently) one of my brother's best friends, as if he had never told me he loved me, I guess I finally got my answer.
But what I have to ask myself, what I'm trying to sort out now in therapy is, if I was having frequent thoughts like that, why in the world didn't I walk away months ago instead of ignoring such a blatant red flag?? Ahhh.....the joys of being a codependent!!
