"We thought conditions drove us to drink..." Of course you love your daughter. You drink because you are an alcoholic - that's all. If things were good you would drink to celebrate it. Don't try to figure out the why - you seem to grasp that you have an addiction, which is more than a lot of folks do. Willpower doesn't cut it - nor does just admitting the problem. We are defined by our actions. If you want to stay sober and have failed on your own, don't go it alone. And if groups and programs have failed, ask yourself if you followed the suggestions made by them - like REALLY, no-bs followed them. Something has to change. Your addiction is more powerful than love, or commitment, or willpower - you know this, and it's the same for all of us. I live by the saying "I can't, God can, and He will." It's worked for me - I hope it will for you.