It's Sunday, really did a number on myself. Started Wednesday, drank Thursday got home Friday Morning and started again. Passed out around 3:00 pm, woke up at 6:00 pm, and drank some more, my last drink was Friday night about 11:00 pm. I wasted my whole Saturday, because I didn't have any strength. I hate not being in control of this demon, my life has always been in my control, now everything has come down around me. I left a good job, because I was letting down co workers and was ashamed. Now I'm working at a much less paying job, my bills didn't go down any, so I'm struggling with that. I just wonder why I can't drink normal?? and I really want to know why I'm so defiant in accepting the obvious?? I think my husband is going to leave me. He's been kind of supportive, he just wants me to be "normal" too. Thank you people out there for reading and giving me advice. I know it's just one hour, one day, one minute (sometimes) to get by without giving in to the temptation. It's easier for me today, because it's Sunday, didn't buy anything yesterday and I'm too broke to go to a restaurant. But if I weren't broke, would I go?? I think so. That's so embarassing and I'm so ashamed of where I have been and am. I'll just keep reading, the posts here are inspiring and like I wrote on Thursday, it makes me feel better to know I am not alone.