Does the WHY matter?
Hi everyone. 10 months sober here, sponsor, 4-6 meetings a week, step work is cooking and I am involved heavily in service work. I also see a therapist. She is a recovering alcoholic herself, knows my sponsor pretty well and is a no nonsense, call it as she sees it kind of person. Both her and my sponsor are the two core people in my life that have made this journey possible.
That brings me to my question. I was speaking with my sponsor and he said that the why didn't matter. To him it makes no difference why we drink the way do, only that we do. He believes that drinking is much like a car. How much we understand combustible engines has nearly no effect on how we operate the vehicle. He believes that wanting to know why is egotistical and we have to "Stomp" that ego before we can move on. He believes that once we as alcoholics come to understand that we are in fact alcoholics, we move forward with AA principles and the steps and that is that. My therapist on the other hand believes very much that the why is the root of our problem and understanding that reason (or more likely reasons) can help us immensely in over coming our addiction. She also believes strongly in AA and the steps but thinks each are tools that work better when combined.
So here I come in. I think that much like any other behavior that I would like to change, understanding why I do said behavior in the first place is very important. When I drank, I didn't always have a problem but when I had a problem I always drank. My behavior was to use the effects of alcohol to make me feel better. Why? What was I escaping? What was I afraid of and where did all of these things come from? Can I find where it started?
I think those are important questions and I do myself a disservice if I don't ask them. At worst I won't find the answers and nothing is lost. At best I find out why, dig into my upbringing and past honestly and fearlessly with a professional and discover ways to let it go and find freedom. Wouldn't that freedom be a great addition to the AA path I am already following?
If I thought that I had anger issues, would I simply start breathing exercises and stress management techniques or would I combine those with therapy to understand why? Doesn't modern psychology say that we must first understand the problem before we can have any hope in finding peace?
My question is: What do you think? Does the why not matter? Does digging into family of origin issues help? In your experience is there a place for therapy alongside your AA work or does the Big Book cover it all?