[QUOTE=SolTraveler;3973585]My mother is also insane - she has borderline personality disorder and is bipolar. A fun combination that made for a chaotic childhood. [QUOTE]
Mine too... I wonder how many of us who marry or get involved with addicts or abusers or both grew up with one or more parents with these mental disorders.
To the original poster-- you are not whining. You are experiencing hurt that any person would be hurt by. Your description of your mothers behaviors struck a nerve with me-- they are exactly how I would describe my own mother.
I find that when I reach out to her, no matter how well intentioned or loving my efforts, I always wind up hurt. The only way I have sorted out to protect myself from that hurt is to severely limit contact with her and to go into interactions (or try to) with her expecting her to be what I know her to be (which is negative, passive aggressive etc...)
All that being said, I did share some good news with her last night-- foolishly thinking that was a good thing to do as we were having a relatively pleasant conversation-- and the reaction I got was DEAD silence. Crickets chirping in the background. I should have hung up then and there but I didnt and all that happened was that I tried to hide my hurt and then spent the evening mad that I let her get to me.
I am so sorry you have a mother who can't be a mother to you and who probably never was. It's a shame that while we have to apply to own pets, any a$$hole can become a parent and do a bang up job of hurting their kids. Just because she gave birth to you doesn't give her a guaranteed right to be in your life if she is negative and hurtful to you.... I am slowly coming to accept that myself about my own mother....