You are going through a phase most of us have experienced; I wish you well on your journey. Ultimately you will need to admit you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable, that's the self-diagnosis we are stuck with as alcoholics. We have the only disease that must be self-diagnosed, then we seek treatment in fellowship. THe percentage who can successfully self treat is extremely small.
Good Luck and Take Care; THis site is an excellent place for all of us.
