Selfishness seems to be a quality inherent to addiction. I have not seen evidence (with my AH) that it ever changes, even with sobriety. An addict is an addict.
That said, trying to change the selfishness and the addict, as I have done, is a form of manipulation too. An enabler is an enabler (I know, I am one.)
You can only change you and make decisions for you.
There is a thread on the friends and family forum, Step Study - Step 1. I highly recommend you start reading it. It might help.