Fantail, thanks, and yes, I have tried finding sober activities, with some success. I do like nature and hiking, though it's hard, as it seems to take ages to get out of the city/sprawl. But it is something I hope to do more on weekends.
I think part of the problem is that in this concrete jungle I live in, in this 'arts district', it's hard to picture what it would be like not drinking, as odd as that seems. I'd love to move, but no $$$/bad credit and stuff have put a damper on that...
I've tried many methods over many years to try to stop, and just keep failing...I feel like I just can't find the motivation, there is a certain sense of hopelessness and desperation that sees to fuel this, beneath the surface, this kind of reckless, so what if I die feeling.
I have times when I feel motivated, but I find it really hard, especially on my own.