I had a lot of guilt years ago around not rescuing my mom from my gambling, alcoholic, raging dad. When I went into recovery for my issues with drinking and using, I found an Al-Anon mixed group (it was for both alcoholics/addicts and the al-anons together). We laughed and we cried together and I learned the three c's that I now apply to all my relationships: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. I learned that it is ok to practice self care, even though I grew up being told I was selfish when I wasn't sharing with my three younger sisters or not doing chores. Now, I am learning how to grieve gracefully through a telephone Al-Anon meeting.
If you can find a group, or a telephone meeting that resonates with you, I think you will find the answers you are seeking in order to have a serene and joyful life. And, you are young enough to really build a solid foundation for a happy life.