Mother's Day is hard
Hello all.
I haven't been on the forums for a while, but today, Mother's Day, hit me really hard. To give you guys some background, both my mother and father are alcoholics. My mother is much worse than my father. My brother also has drinking and drug problems. I moved home to live with all of them last month because my lease came up and I can no longer afford to live alone. I am a college student with one more semester to go, hoping that once I graduate I will be able to get away and create a healthy environment for myself.
It's not that I do not love my mother; I love my mother infinitely. I just have a hard time seeing through all of the anger I hold for her (and my father). I realize that alcoholism is a disease. But, I feel that I had to grow up too fast. I am 21 years old and from a very young age, I had to deal with my mother telling me she wanted to kill herself on a regular basis. Many nights she would come into my room drunk, waking me from sleep on a school night, to tell me that my father was a terrible husband and she just wanted to die. I hurt for her so badly, and I still do. But, as a young child, I did not understand or have any idea how to help. Now, as a young adult, I feel angry. My mother has made my life so hard. So now, on the day when I am supposed to be appreciating all that my mother has done for me, I am really struggling. I see friends on facebook and strangers around the town I live in having wonderful days with their mothers and I just get really upset about it. And then, I feel extremely guilty for being angry with my mother. It seems to cycle around from being angry to feeling guilty.
Has anyone out there struggled like this? I welcome any thoughts or advice. Thank you for reading and happy mothers day to all the moms out there.