Advice needed on staying sober
Well, its day 5 here for me, I've just got back from taking my kids back to their mums. Trying today to figure out a plan of action that will prevent me from slipping AGAIN!
I have known deep down that I am an alcoholic for years now, and have tried and tried in the past to stop, its the staying stopped that's the problem.
I have been in and out of aa for about two years now, the longest I stuck at it was six weeks (got a sponsor in that time), was doing well but went to a wedding abroad that I shouldn't have gone to, tried to get out of it pleading poverty and telling the friend whose wedding it was that it was too much for me to try and stay dry for (he knew I had a drink problem, but didn't truly realise that I was ill with it), he wanted me there and I didn't want to let him down, just before the wedding I was made redundant, going through problems with ex and trying to get used to the aa steps all in the space of a month and I cracked, drank and got asked to leave, the rest of the 'holiday' was horrible and I regretted going.
Anyway, since the ive been back to aa a few times and managed to stay sober for a few weeks at a time, but I slip up and its back to square one, its harder every time I go back to the rooms because I hate admitting that ive slipped again, but I want to stop or I wouldn't be going back.
Ive also been posting on here since feb which has helped me a lot, I am determined to stop this time. Have been to a couple of meetings this last week and am planning on going tonight.
I have been calling former sponsor but don't know whether to stick with him or start afresh with a new one? I know I need to do the steps but feel a bit unsure as to what is the best way forward in the quest of continued sobriety- I suffer making decisions in my life and am scared of making a wrong choice, in the past ive avoided making decisions because of this but end up drinking as a result and this time I know it has to change.
Do you think I should just go to the meetings for a while before committing to a sponsor or do you think I should crack on and do the steps as quickly as possible? I have had varying advice on this from aa members and don't know what to do for the best.