GreenEggsnHam, (interesting name!)
You have said it all in your post. You have named all you (may) have to look forward to in the second to last paragraph.
But, to your nervousness:
1. ANYONE who has concerns about drinking is welcome here, and in AA, and in any other program. Many many people on this site have not abstained, but are here to educate themselves and find a nonjudgmental community.
2. Comfort zones are one of our worst enemies, not just here but in life. As long as we stay in our "comfort zone" we do not grow.
3. Hopelessness is quite common and universal as we grapple with what might be a problem.
You have written so honestly and from the heart, I hope you keep posting.