Hi Terry
I'm sorry for your loss. This disease is ruthless.
I understand you blaming yourself and feeling guilty - but sometimes the people we love plot their own course, and, sometimes, there's nothing we can do about it.
If there's other things you really feel responsible for tho, give yourself time to work them out.
while we can't go back and undo what we've done I think we can do a lot with the time we have now to make amends for past behavior.
I'm not even talking apologies here although that may be part of it...what I mean is I spent 20 years taking, taking, taking...
I've spent the last 6 giving back - on all kinds of ways...I really believe that kind of stuff redresses the balance
D