Yes, it can change.
And with time, it will.
be patient and gentle with yourself.
30 years is a long time, your feelings/ emotions cannot just evaporate.
Your emotions are very real, you are dealing with them like a mature adult, it's only natural to feel sad at this time.
The other day, somewhere on these boards I read, " Acceptance, is knowing , you cannot rewrite the past" or something to that effect, (it hit home for me)
keep posting, it really helps to get it all out with others , who have walked in your shoes.
Sending you tons of support.