peacedove, I too understand what you are saying. When my logical head is in full flow I realise that I am most sad that I am miserable at the moment but he is just carrying on exactly as he always has done, doing his own thing and not answering to anyone. It hurts when you invest so many years and so much energy just trying to keep someone happy and yet they still just throw it back in your face. All my close friends have told me that he will just treat the next one exactly the same and if anything is probably drinking more than ever now I'm not breathing down his neck and somewhere deep down I know they are right. Stay strong cr995, try to eat, I know it's hard as you really have no appetite and when you do try to force something down you feel sick. Emotionally we are damaged but we will mend I'm sure, I can't even remember the person I used to be but I know it wasn't the person I am now. Just remember they will probably never mend.