cr995, I totally understand how you are feeling as I feel exactly the same. I'm recently separated from my partner of 13 years after yet another drunken episode. We have been apart for 3 weeks only and I have spent most of that time not eating, sleeping poorly and thinking of nothing else but him...especially with someone new and I too imagine him suddenly sober and well, the man I wanted him to be and it's torture! Unlike many on here I hadn't prepared for this split by attending AlAnon or reading up on the subject, I hadn't even heard of codependency so I am struggling with the feelings of looking after myself. I'm still caring about him and worrying about him despite the fact that he has been doing his own thing and only really contacting me to make sly digs. It's a struggle just to get through each day but I am trying to stay positive. I wish you every happiness and hope to hear from you more on here. The support on here is fantastic.