((raja)) I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know I beat myself up unmercifully. I wish I could give you a great big hug.
If you feel rehab is the answer...please check into it.
We're here to support you and hold you up until you can do it for yourself.
There are many choices when it comes to programs. I checked them all out ..googled every one of them.
Best Wishes To You!