i am just like you...36 years old and hardcore binge drinking for 17 years. i am tired of it all too!
if i were in your situation right now, you know what i would do? i would turn off my computer, totally lie to my boss and say i'm not feeling well (which is not such a lie afterall), leave the office AND GO RIGHT TO AN AA MEETING.
nothing else matters right now except putting yourself first.
that's my opinion. that's what i would do.
you hang in there! you are NOT alone.