do you think it's my fault she's doing this? If I hadn't had done so many stupid things through high school may this never would have happened. Is there something I can be doing to fix this? I want to talk to her about it, but I don't know how? How do I cope with this?
One at a time here:
1. No, you didn't cause it. It is not your fault. You're not holding a gun to her head forcing her to drink.
Try to think from a police officer's standpoint - if a drunk driver got out of a car after being pulled over, vomited on the ground in front of the police officer, then said "it's not my fault" or "I'll stop, just not now" or "My daughter just thinks I'm crazy, I don't have a drinking problem" ... do you think that would prevent said officer from hauling her off to the drunk tank to sleep it off?
If the officer won't believe the story, why are you? Alcoholics/addicts LOVE to blame shift. They love to pretend it's not their fault. Yet they're the ones who continue to drink, they're the ones who continue to say and do ludicrous things (chewy steak, right?), they're the ones who live in the fantasy that there's nothing wrong with them. No one with any degree of detachment from the situation is going to believe them, though.
My father blames me and the victim for his incarceration. No one believes him, particularly since he's admitted to doing the crimes for which he's incarcerated. It's the same mental process - your mom is doing the drinking, but blaming others. If she was tried, convicted and sent to prison, then blamed you for it, would you be asking if that was your fault? (Hypothetical question, but one worth thinking about - especially if she drives).
2. There is nothing you can do to fix "this" if "this" is defined as your mum's drinking.
If you change "this" to be defined as "how I feel inside myself and the guilt I'm carrying" then yes, yes there is definitely something you can do to fix it. Start reading the stickied posts at the top of the page. You have the right to not participate in the crazy-making behaviors of your family. That's my favorite one. But there are many things you can do - read books, go to ACA or AlAnon, seek out a therapist, or just come here and share and ask questions and get a little support.
3. You've tried talking to her. It didn't work out very well. Talking to her again is likely to end up with similar results (blame shifting and nothing resolved and that horrible feeling of emptiness that comes when a need isn't fulfilled). If it were me, I wouldn't bother talking to her.
4. You cope with this by shifting your focus from her to you. What do YOU need that does not involve her changing her behavior? What do you want (again, not involving her changing her behavior)?
The problem here is that the things you want right now (at least this is my guess) involve her changing. And that may or may not happen. Probably 'may not'. None of us can change the behavior of another person, any other person. And? People have the right to kill themselves in whatever manner they so choose. And? What are YOU going to do about YOU? What needs do you have that are unmet that make you want to change her? Spend a little time asking yourself "what do I need that I'm not getting" and I bet you'll find that the problem isn't so much that your mum drinks, it's that you have needs that aren't being met.
Then it's time to figure out how you can meet those needs without your mum. Sounds simple, right? It's not. I spend a good deal of time asking myself those very questions - because I want to make sure that I'm being the healthiest me I can be at this moment in time. When the answer comes back "because I need Person to do X behavior" that is not MY need. My need is usually more along the lines of "because I need to feel that I'm worth being loved." Then I can start working on how to fill that need in a healthy way.
Share as much as you want. Take what you need, leave the rest.