The first thing you need to do is stop drinking and do it one day at a time. You need to worry about yourself first and foremost. Then you need to get some help... AA, counseling, rehab, whatever. You're not going to be able to do it alone, as proved by "yet another day one". Hopefully your boyfriend will come back when he sees you are serious about getting better. It's time to toss the guilt, remorse and self pity and get well. It can be done starting today!!