evemadrugada

Here I am again, yet another Day One of quitting drinking. This better be the time I succeed, as I can't handle any more of this misery. I've hit rock bottom again. I am bruised, shaky, and haven't eaten for two days. My boyfriend who I adore is leaving me because of my drinking. Though I have tried to commit to quitting several times before, I always return to the bottle. I don't drink every day, I just get blackout out and violent and reckless in so many ways when I binge. My self esteem is nonexistent and I find my mind going down dismal paths, just wanting to die, feeling completely devoid of hope. I don't blame my guy for being fed up. Even after attacking him in a blackout the other evening, he came by our room today and held me as I cried. He is encouraging me to attend AA meetings and find a therapist to get to the root of my problem, but he is moving out because I am so volatile. So I am going to need to learn how to be alone and am dreading the insomnia, loss of appetite, loneliness and depression. I can't believe I have been so awful... I live in an apartment which is a social drinking hub, and I am being kicked out in a month, so I will need to make more money now that I won't split the rent. I don't know what I will do
I am constantly surrounded by alcohol and now I won't have my sweet man to help me stay sober. I am just miserable. I am reaching out on this forum in the hopes that by writing about my problems I will work through them and not be able to deny the fact that I MUST QUIT DRINKING. FOR GOOD. FOR EVER.[/FONT]