Originally Posted by
WhyIsThisMyLife 
I have thoughts of worthlessness and I will always be lonely. I'm trying to learn to disassociate myself from such negative thoughts, utilizing meditation. They are just thoughts not me. One reason I want to disassociate from my thoughts is I would have bad and lonely weekends, because I would sit at home "thinking" all around me, people were partying and having a good time while I sat home alone. It would be the thoughts that depressed me, I'd realize I would be going throughout my normal day until up those thoughts. Everyone is having a good time, but me.
I'm the exact same way! But what I'm learning is those thoughts of people having fun isn't about people having fun, it's about me not happy enough with myself to have fun. And the other unhealthy thought process that comes with this, is you start forcing yourself to have "fun" to try to overcompensate. So I go to parties with my friends, take pictures with them, put them on facebook, I even hiked a mountain one time so I can post the pictures on facebook so my ex at the time can see how much "fun" I was having.
But none of it was fun. I was still hurting on the inside, I still hated myself. And I'm realizing now that I don't do anything for myself, I don't like myself, I don't like who I have become. So even if I go out, it's still a fraud because that's not the real core issue of my problem. I'm using others, alcohol, drugs, etc to mask what the real problems are. BUT, this is all in retrospect, I distorted what my problems were and what the solutions to the problem is. Right now I have to learn how to like myself and stop worrying so much about what others think about me. Stop putting on a show to act as if my life is great and I'm special. I'm not, I hate who I am... but I never connected the dots on how to change that. I feel like now I can just be me and I can go out and do things that I want to do that make me happy with myself!