NotSoIvory

Ladybug - You asked about the pins and needles. Here is a brief article that explains alcoholic neuropathy. I've had some mild symptoms of it myself, including the pins and needles.

Alcoholic neuropathy: MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

Thank you to NewLeaf, bettagirl, and Ladybug. To explain the situation a little more clearly, he knew it was my bday weekend, as we've been talking about it for the last 2 weeks. He lives kind of far away so he can't just come over any day he wants to because of work. I might be lucky if I see him 4 days a month (2 weekends) as it is. I told him that I wanted to go kayaking and he agreed to that enthusiastically originally. Then, his work offered him to work on that Saturday and Sunday. Knowing he had made these plans, he told me he was going to agree to work anyway. I told him last night after my original post about how my feelings were hurt. I explained to him that it wouldn't be as big of a deal had it not been my birthday. I explained to him how I felt I was always being pushed aside for his work or whatever else he had to do that was important. Got a little teary over it, this has been a huge trigger for me for a long time now. I spoke to him very gently and calmly but it didn't matter. He started yelling at me telling me that he was SURVIVING and he some how came up with the idea that I was putting him down even though I didn't say anything that could have possibly been misconstrued that way?? The thing is, too, (I didn't say this) he makes more money than me and his rent/bills are less than mine, but he's very impulsive with his money, eats out all the time, etc... I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick here.

Thank you, because I think I needed to hear that.

I love the idea of planting something as well!! Then watch it grow with me in my recovery to see how far we've come That's such a lovely idea! ...but, I live in a condo that is under the rule of an association. If I did, it would have to go in a pot, and I can't say I've had the best luck with that in the past.

Ladybug - Lol!! Thanks for clarifying.

Goat - Glad to see you are doing well! Been noticing you haven't been posting as much as you used to.

Been missing a few people in fact. I do hope everyone is doing well and hanging tough.

MLC - Thanks for the very sound insights about the family situation, have been giving it some thought, and trying to think of ways to implement.

Also, congrats to those who have surpassed their 30 days! I know I am a bit behind in my posting as well. But major kudos to you! I am aspiring to be right behind you. Seems like a major feat during difficult times, but truly love the inspiration from you! Keep up the amazing work!

Feeling very depressed today. Having some bad memories surface now and along with that comes anger. Have been through some horribly painful stuff in my young adult life that I don't think I ever dealt with properly and have turned my pain into anger/rage and have pushed a lot of stuff out of my mind to intentionally forget as a faulty coping mechanism. This is going to be a really rough weekend, and to spend it at home with my brother here drinking is going to make it even more rough.

Thanks again, everyone, for your steadfast support and encouragement. Be well.