Yikes that sounds awful.
My husband is out of the house right now, and it is so tempting to let him come back even though he has only been gone 3 weeks and clean for almost 3 months.
He is still not grounded in his recovery and I feel crazy when I am around him because of the manipulation and begging and oh man...I just get so confused because I love the Child of God in him and hate the Addiction.
I wanna snuggle with the Child of God and run away from the Addiction.
But because the Addiction is still very alive in him, I am choosing to be AWAY from that so that's why he can't come back.
I'm sure it took a lot of courage to kick him out the last time...
And I totally understand the hope of letting him come back under the promise of him getting into treatment. Another tally mark for him not keeping his word now ya know? He just doesn't seem ready to get well, but he does seem ready to take you down with him.
The question is, are you ready to let him do that? My sponsor says if if it feels crazy, it is! We have to value our sanity and our serenity -- and not let situations and people take it away from us, or not let ourselves be in situations where we know we have a hard time holding onto it ourselves.
Thats' why I'm staying away from my husband right now. I see him and my heart melts. And then I get all codie and confused. I know that if I see him I will be likely to hand my serenity over or let it slip away from me, and I just can't do that again right now because it's so painful for me to go through those emotional upheavals. Ugh. I know you know what I'm talking about because you're going through it right now.
Take care of you tonight in whatever ways you have the courage to. And ask your Higher Power for help. xo