Hey.
I notice you posted this yesterday, so I hope this gets to you. I've been sober about 4 months. I started drinking when I was 17 and I loved it, it gave me freedom and a chance to fit in. I continued to drink heavily for the last 13 years, I was always in the middle of the party. I was the girl dancing by herself and trying to pick up guys -- which, guess what?, always worked....pretty easy to be easy. Until I stopped having control of my life, and the only thing I could be was the girl at the party, because there was little left that was interesting about me and I was impossible to live with.
What I've found out in my short time in sobriety is that there's a lot to me besides the bottle, that I have a lot of pain that I bury in the bottle, that my life revolved around that bottle -- but now it doesn't. Now, I'm learning to talk about my feelings, and I'm learning to accept that as much as I like drinking, that I just can't do it safely or sanely. It sucks, but that's the way it is.
I expect that you're going to have some big hurdles to overcome. But maybe you're scared enough to stop -- make no mistake that your life is not infinite, it can end, and heroin does not love you the way that you love it.
keep coming back, we'll love you until you can love yourself.
liz