Dana,
that magical feeling that makes everything seem alright.
The key word being "seem". It sounds like you got to that point in getting clean that apparently happens to a lot of us (me too) around 90 or 100 days. Just far away from the madness to be able to forget how bad it really is out there using.
So you went back out. And it didn't get better. I have never heard anyone say different. Of course, I don't go around dope houses and bars asking either. I don't need to.
There's another kind of magical feeling that comes along with sobriety and it lasts longer than three or four hours and doesn't leave you feeling rotten and needing to buy some more artificial happiness. It just takes longer to get and more work to keep.
Surround yourself with people in recovery and listen to them and let them help you do for you what you cannot do for yourself. You don't have to do this alone and it's not better if you do.
You can do this thing if you want it enough to make it the top priority in your life 24/7. It does get better each and every day. Once you get on the right bus
Every clean day is a successful day, NO MATTER WHAT ELSE HAPPENS!
It's a different way of measuring success but that doesn't make it less true. You might say "But I want more out of life than just being sober." Guess what? We all do but we can't get more until we get some and we can't get some until we stop looking for magic in all the wrong places.
You are too young to be feeling so old. Stick around and keep posting to let us all know how you are doing. I hope you find your way.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless