Alison - sorry about your friend. Your support will help her in many ways. I can relate to other topics in your post. A couple of times during the last 4 months I just wanted to be numbed instead of hurting. The only thing that kept me from drinking was knowing how much lower and stressed I would be with a hangover in the morning. I use strenuous exercise to feel pain from a different source which isn't taking on the problems but sobriety sometimes requires selfishness.