Originally Posted by Hanna

He is looking for a high that he got once and will never achieve again.

You are looking for love and kindness that he gave once that you likely will never get from him again. You certainly will never get it if he is using.

Can you see the insanity of a man that treats you "not as mean as usual" in exchange for your ok for him to do drugs? Do you see that he knows he treats you poorly but is willing to pretend to be nice in order to get what he wants? Is that how you want to live? This is one very messed up dude.

Healthy people are nice to each other because they love one another. Healthy people want to treat the people in their lives well because it makes them feel good to love and give, not because they get what they want that day.

This situation tells me he knows what you want and is only willing to give it at a price. It's costs him nothing to be kind to you, yet he is selfish with his love. When he's being less horrible than usual for a price, that is not even real or sincere. It's incredibly twisted.

He may have stopped doing drugs for a year, but I sincerely doubt it.

You deserve better.
You deserve love and kindness.