Please go to the doctor today if possible. You are doing great by not drinking, but you sound like you definitely need to talk with a professional about your anxiety and depression.
Dwelling on the past instead of making the best of the present impedes our road to recovery. Not one person I know has had a perfect life - some worse than others. It is up to you on how to live a life you want and not repeat or do things that was negative in your earlier years. Look to your local County Mental Health resources. They are free.
In the meantime, be proud of your school accomplishments and know you always have your friends from SR here to support you!