I was surprised there weren't more comments to this post, given the lives and histories of adult children, and then I thought about how many years of recovery work it took me to get here and be ready to look at these issues directly. Thank you Chris and Kialua.
Maybe abandonment is sort of the air we (adult children) breath or the water we swim in-- it is the most normal constant everyday feature of our lives. I did recovery work for years knowing I sometimes felt "bad" and when I felt bad it was really hard to handle it in a healthy way... but not knowing what that bad feeling was (?) or where it really came from. I thought everyone felt that way, I didn't even think to ask the question, what IS this.